January

I can’t focus put my mind to anything useful practical creative not even a picture in my eyes restlessness tiredness irritable nothing just nothing grey heavy sky rain nothingness smudged warm palms to temples elbows to table linear perpendicular parallel that’s the word why couldn’t I find it when I looked what’s that other word like skewed or juxtaposed but not at a right angle maybe it’s like dredging a dead lake floating in slow circles with no compass or sight to the blurred edges through the condensation my retina burned with scratches dots and dashes black on the backlit screen juddering down to my left like a marble down steps chipping away lustre and red rolled to the surface neon beneath my lids still moving beneath the eye line dark but not black not quite mottled striated and smooth like layers of resting muscle sleepy like the unmotivated nerves which lost their way in the cool fog adjacent that was it hardly worth the effort adjoining not what I thought it was thumb edge to index two three four ripples upwards to the memory of sunken fingertips don’t go there go where to the crook of sleep the crackle of quiet not silent not anything nothing.